Old Men are Easier

No, it's not what you think...I mean to say that when I'm around men my own age, at work or at the grocery store or wherever, I never make eye contact and if for some reason I do, I fake a smile and keep moving. I'm not saying I'm the hottest girl around, I'm not, however, I seem to give off some kind of energy and I try like hell to avoid it. At work, however, the men are easy to be around. I can make eye contact and joke around with them, and it never feels like I'm flirting...I'm more confident in myself...my brain takes charge. I converse with them and I know they respect the things I say and do not see me as a "woman" but as a cool receptionist. Their mother hen. It's awesome. Only a few men I know talk to me like I'm an equal, rather than another girl...(you know who you are)...the rest throw sexual innuendo at me, hoping to get me interested in them as more than just a friend. That sort of thing cannot be forced...no matter how much they tempt my inner animal, I am incredibly resistant and will not cave, if for no other reason than to prove something. Old men around here are fun, funny, intelligent and TOTALLY outside the realm of "attraction" for me. It's awesome. I'm happy and lucky to have that.

Sterilization part III...True Colors

I had my doctor appointment today, and after a lot of arguing, my emotions got the best of me. I am a diabetic and therefore, cannot be pregnant, or give birth...chances are that it would damage my internal organs, my kidneys and pancreas, and then I wouldn't be much of a mother. I do not wish to be a mother, not to a human child anyway, but after an hour of explaining myself to my doc, finally it all broke down. I told him that I don't want to be put in a situation where I have to choose between my health or the health of my offspring. I am pro choice, but personally, am not sure if I could make that choice...I say I can, but when it comes down to it, would I be able to choose abortion? I have no intention of finding out. Lucky for me, my doc is male, and when I started to cry, he sympathized and will be checking with my insurance about getting my tubes tied. I want it done soon, and I want it to be permanent. I have no doubt that I will mourn my ability to give life, however, I intend to make life better for those who need my help the most. It's the animals that need someone like me to speak up and act for them. The animals who are adopted as children, who should be wild and allowed to be who they are...are kept in cages, underfed, dressed up in baby clothes and fed people food...and then when they reach maturity, and do what they do naturally, they are killed most violently. People shouldn't have access to such wild animals, and I intend to dedicate my life to that cause. Dogs and cats are already domestic, and even they can scratch and bite, but chances are they will not eat you. So, never mind my offspring, the line is tainted anyway. I was meant for bigger things. So long fallopian tubes, I hope you had a good run. Sorry to waste your time. It's over...very soon, it will be over.

Sterilization Continued

So I have been doing research online and found that it actually SHOULD be MY choice to get sterilized. I can deal with a normal period, if it still works, as long as the other side effects of the birth control go away. I could lose weight at a normal pace, seeing how I gained at least 30 pounds thanks to the BC transition. Yes, I have the literature and will shove it into my docs face. And if he still won't do it, then I will find a woman doc who will. Stay tuned...oh, by sterilization, I mean getting my "tubes tied"...yes, I would prefer that they take it all out, but if this is something they will do, then great!

Sterilization

Well, another year gone by, another year of constant intake of hormones to control my reproductive process. I have been doing some research, (googling), and found that my birth control intake MIGHT be CAUSING my skin problems. Stupid hormones. I know it has affected me in different ways, which i will not specify, but now CAUSING breakouts??!! I mean, I'm 31! I shouldn't still be having to use anti-acne face soap! So, I have my annual exam with my gynecologist, who is male, but who was the one that told me it was fine to not have periods anymore, and he knows I don't want children. I know I already have at least one fibroid in my uterus, and am hoping for a few more, because I want them to take it all out of me! I'm tired of taking birth control pills, pretty sure my reproductive system is dead, and it causes me pain, so let's be done with it already! I am going to be tough this time Doc. The time has come to stop worrying about breakout facial stuff, and to start worrying about anti-aging facial stuff. For real. Enough. Let's move on.

Road Trip...2010?

Ok, here is my plan. Start from home, and drive through Oregon and California and through Death Valley...no stops...Then to New Mexico, probably explore for a day, then stop to see a friend in Texas, then to Florida to see more friends and then to the Everglades National Forest! That is my ideal road trip. It's a shame that I don't have a road trip buddy, but I will be able to go at my pace, stop when I want, sleep when I want, etc...Yes, this is what I want to do. I need to get a new car first...a rental would cost a pretty penny and I couldn't smoke in it. I HAVE to be able to smoke in my car. Anyone want to come with?

Literally Laughing Out Loud!

I have a coworker that makes me want to shoot myself in the head. He has the strangest and most annoying accent I have ever heard. Keep in mind, I work with many people, from many different countries, I have learned to understand people with thick accents, but this guy is different. His accent is a mixture of Chinese, (which he is) and Swedish. No joke. And he talks really fast, so over a walkie talkie, it is close to impossible to know what the hell he is saying. The weird accent aside, he is just a strange person...and a bad caregiver. Lucky for the residents, they cannot understand him when he is calling them names. Anyhoo...today he was working the swing shift in the other building, and come 8pm, I take over answering phones, and our pharmaceutical company came by with a delivery, as with every night. He calls me, I call a caregiver to go sign for it, done. Simple. So I go through the motions and this particular coworker is in charge of meds tonight. 15 minutes pass, and I get another call from the pharmacy guy, yelling at me because of no one coming to sign...then at the very same time, I have the Swedish chef on the walkie talkie yelling at me to answer him...I tried, but turns out my walkie didn't call out. So when my head began to swell due to the yelling in both ears, I told the pharmacy guy I was coming over. I got there and he said "Dude, what the fuck is wrong with that old Chinese guy? Is he fucking retarded??!!" (Also keep in mind that the delivery guy is also Asian, therefore, he is not being racist.) "He came to the door and was giving me excuses about why he couldn't sign for the meds, and then he left!" I sighed deeply, trying to regain my zen, and called the caregiver again to tell him to sign for the meds. So the caregiver calls me on the main phone, to tell me that the pharmacy guy used the "F" word at him twice and that is why he walked away, and that he will come and sign when he is not so busy. So I told the pharmacy guy that it was his call as to whether he would stay and wait or leave, and then the caregiver came walking toward the front desk, and the pharmacy guy spotted him...the caregiver tried to turn around and the pharmacy guy yells "HEY! COME HERE AND SIGN FOR THESE MEDS!" and I walked out the door and went to find peace in my own building...as I was walking off, the pharmacy guy yelled goodbye to me with the meds still in his hands and the caregiver was standing at the door yelling "HE SAID THE 'F' WORD AT ME TWICE!!!" over and over again until the door closing drowned out the noise. So no meds tonight, but on my way home, I kept replaying it over and over in my head and suddenly I burst into out loud laughter in my car...I couldn't stop it...it just kept coming, laughing and thinking that I have been holding back all the things that the pharmacy guy said to this particular caregiver...in fact I say similar things inside my head every time I have to deal with him. LOL! LOL! LOL! I'm still giggling.

Then I went to walk Sassy...a Chow Chow who is awesome. She doesn't yell at me, she doesn't mind that I say the "F" word, nope...all she needs is a nice brisk walk around the building...I think I should win the lottery so I can dog walk all the time, instead of doing this job...maybe keep it one or two days a week but not full time. So now my cats and Stella Artois keep me company.

Is it really only Tuesday? FUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKK. Cheers!

Dating Mode

I went to a movie the other day with a guy who I was "set up" with...it was not a date. I made clear my intentions, which was to see a movie and that was it. He knew that. He knows I'm not in dating mode. After the movie, he wanted to go get some food. I declined because I needed to go home and take my meds before I ate, which was true, so I took him home and then went home myself. I haven't heard from him since. I really did not mean to insult him, or reject him, I simply am not dating...and a movie leading to dinner, leads to an official date. Nope. There were no sparks...why? Because I AM NOT IN DATING MODE! I am incapable of feeling those feelings. We had fun, but I didn't look him in the eye that much...ok at all...it's my defense. Sorry. It's not personal, I am just not doing the dating thing.