I remember "praying" that I didn't get punched in the face when I was being raped, so that my parents didn't see the bruise. I remember praying many time through life. I keep praying for some strange reason. For what, exactly?
Who even knows. Nothing I do seems to be the right thing to do.
There is an old boy...that I like but I don't think he likes me anymore, as I fucked things up the last time we tried this...and there is a new boy...who REALLY likes me...not ME, but likes looking at me. Is that good enough? It seems like it's really all I deserve. '
Who really wants to love a person like me? I'm so damaged. I don't know that I would want to love someone like me.
Haha. God. Prayer. It's all bullshit. It feels like it's all bullshit. I certainly don't feel any presence of God. I only feel sadness. Ah. The life of a spinster. So fucking useless. A waste of oxygen, really.
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