What The Hell Am I Doing???

No idea! I just did something that is highly irregular, for this spinster. I told the truth. About my feelings. This could be bad...or it could be good. I only know that I am tired of being afraid of life, love and everything in between. I might die tomorrow or in a year, I have to live life. I must. Ok. Here we go...the next chapter in this spinster's book of life...stay tuned!

Who Cares???

Nothing ever turns out like I plan it to. All of this is bullshit. I get up each day and go to work, and for what? To pay other people? To accumulate THINGS? To pay for school so I can go out in the world and try to change things? Nothing will ever change! It never does. People will never stop being assholes! They never do. Today I witnessed this guy getting super pissed and throwing a temper tantrum because he got carded...really? Is it THAT big of a deal that he needed to make everyone uncomfortable by screaming that he was being disrespected?? Really? Apparently it was. That is how it is. The world sucks. People suck. Everything sucks. Every human being on earth, with the exception of a few courageous people, are giant assholes who are totally self absorbed...including me! Life is so fucking stupid. What the hell is the point of it all? Snuggling with my cats is the only thing besides cigarettes that brings me any joy. Otherwise, it's all me making an effort to pretend to be "OK"...and I convince myself of that and then all of this bullshit that life brings surfaces and I land here. In limbo. Unsure of anything. Unimpressed by everything. My new job keeps my mind occupied, but only for about 4-5 hours a day. Otherwise, it's just time to think about how much I hate life and people. Awesome. I'm going to snuggle with my cats. After I smoke a cigarette.

Jealousy and Cynicism

I'm jealous of those of you that get to experience new romance...I wish I could have new romance, however, I wish new, exciting romance didn't turn so stale. Call me a cynic, I call myself a cynic all the time. It's fine. I am. But new romance is inspiring and exciting, it makes for great writing because emotions are running wild with the sheer force of the NEW ROMANCE...eventually, and unfortunately, that excitement and inspiration fades and it turns into regular life, and that is when I get bored. It's sad. I'm jealous. I want to feel that excitement, but the cynic inside me won't allow it, because I know that it doesn't last. I'm jealous.

To the Idea People of Tampax

WHAT THE FUCK ARE THESE???

The last time I bought tampons was in 2007, and aside from the ad from some company to tell me to "have a happy period", there was Tampax that was advertising compact tampons. Something you could keep in your pocket without telling the world you were on your period. Personally, it didn't matter to me, because the world always knows when I'm on mine...however, the fact that they were compact and could be taken with me easily were ideal. Now, in 2010, I go to buy the same tampons and they are called Pearl! The packaging, as you can see looks like a goddamn bouquet of flowers, and the tampons themselves are metallic purple! HEY TAMPAX! THESE ARE NOT ACCESSORIES! THEY SERVE A PURPOSE, THEY DO NOT NEED TO BE PRETTY!

Remember last month when my dad said something and it made my inner volcanic bitch rise up out of the shadows? Well, opening this box of tampons did the same. I couldn't even grab hold of one with all that extra packaging. So at work today, which is me, two girls and a kitchen full of guys, I'm having to hide one of these flowery tampons in my pocket, while doing my best to pretend like I was not achy and bitchy...and every time I saw one, it pissed me off all over again.

Tampax, you are idiots! And yes, they will be getting an email from me telling them so.

HORMONES!

Ok, yes, I'm happy to not be on birth control pills anymore, and yes, I'm happy that dieting is much more productive due to the lower level of hormones...however, this is the second time in May that I have bled, and I've had enough of it.

Narcotics...Truffle Brownies...Heating Pad.

So anyone who got any of my negative energy, again, I apologize, I didn't even realize that it was PMS. But there you go.

going back to bed.

~Spinster~

Sibling Rivalry Continued...

So I had a heated discussion with my dad today...mainly because I was drinking and therefore able to speak my mind uninhibited. Turns out, he isn't very happy about the taco truck! "That's not culinary arts! That's fast food!" HAHAHAHAHA. So true Dad.

He also got a piece of my mind about my brother's adventures in Mexico and his trips to cock fights and bull fights. Obviously by now you know how I feel about Animal Rights, it made me really unhappy that he attended such horrible events...my dad says "he only went ONCE and he didn't like it!" *Sigh* He knew what it was, he shouldn't have gone at all. Especially with me as a sister. He will never be allowed to visit me in Africa, because he would be first in line to try Chimpanzee on a stick! I warned my dad that my passion trumps blood. Keep it in mind.

Now...I shall watch some Six Feet Under...I thought about Fight Club, but I'm not sure I'm up for a movie tonight.

Tomorrow is my first day of work...stay tuned!

The Lighter Side: Sibling Rivalry

Anyone who has a sibling is fully aware that life amongst each other is a continuous competition...usually for parental approval. The same goes for me and my brother, (my real one). My brother was always better at school than I was, mainly because he didn't smoke pot yet, and I did a lot and had way more important things to do with my time, I worked, I drank coffee and smoked cigarettes with my friends, you know...priorities. This was something that my brother was fully aware of, always used it against me while I would come back with "you may be better at school, but more people LIKE me!" Also was true. I had many friends. We grew up, he started smoking pot, I stopped smoking pot and for a short while, we were equals...it was fun while it lasted. I kept waiting for him to go stupid like I did, but that day never came, instead he got smarter, wiser, at least in his world, in mine he was just super condescending. Apparently when he moved out and got his first apartment and job (which I got him, mind you) he came to a realization that his family were simple folk. It's true that we don't add dandelion leaves to our salads and aren't a lentil kind of family, though, I do enjoy lentils. However, my mother is all American, cooks the same 5 meals weekly, just like Peggy Hill. A lot of mothers are like that. They have their signature dishes and that is what is prepared. True, you pray for the day that you get cilantro in the salsa, or fresh basil in the spaghetti sauce...but we know those days will not come either. Once my brother and I made thanksgiving dinner with lots and lots of fresh herbs, in the turkey and gravy, and the mashed potatoes and stuffing. It was fucking fabulous! But it made my mother cry. The left over turkey bones didn't produce the proper flavor for her turkey and noodles. That was the end of all that. Sad.
Anyway...herbs are something we agree on...however, EVERYTHING ELSE is another matter entirely. Our conversations consist of me trying SO hard to find something intellectual to talk about, and his responses are always something critical and annoying. Cause he knows more than I do, cause so and so wrote an article or whatever. *rolling eyes* He went to live in Mexico for a while, teaching Korean kids how to speak English, yes, Korean kids. He came back even more condescending than before, something that my parents nor I thought possible.
I lost my train of thought...OH!
So, as you know, I got a new job. I'm going to be delivering pizzas for a very reputable and legitimate pizza company, locally owned and operated, voted best pizza in Seattle 20 years straight. It's pretty awesome. I'm pretty excited, especially now that my last day at the retirement community is over, I can focus on my next step. My brother is planning on owning and operating a taco truck. When I told my parents of my plans for my future they said "oh", they didn't say "OOOH!" just a simple "oh". When I interviewed and I knew I would be offered the job after they got my clear back round check, they said "oh, do they have benefits?" Yes, they do! When I got the call offering me the job, they said..."oh. good. make sure you get your doc to give you a three month supply of medicine." Even when I told them how much money I would be making and that I could pay off my medical bills, student loans, credit cards, go back to school, MOVE OUT OF THEIR HOUSE, they said while nodding their heads "good." Smile and nod. They obviously don't approve...too bad, I'm going to work my ass off and prove myself. So, the night my brother told them of his taco truck plans, at my dad's birthday dinner, their reaction was "Oh THAT'S SO COOL! When? Where? How?"
Essentially, we are going to be doing the same job...driving around, bringing people food. I will be working for a great 40 year old company that is notorious for being awesome, and I get "oh" and he will driving around at night feeding meat inside corn tortillas to drunk people and it's "OH! THAT'S SO COOL!" REALLY???
The moral of this story is, sibling rivalry never ends. But while my brother continues on his path to street food vendor, while living in a stoner pad with no windows, I will be finding a lovely apartment in a lovely neighborhood, with a balcony, washer and dryer, lots of windows for my cats to sit in, and lots of people around, to move into, and live comfortably. So there!