Sunny Days and Epiphanies

The sun is finally out, the old people are soaking it up and are in desperate need of the vitamin D and whatever else the sun provides. Sometimes I think we even benefit from the ultraviolet rays. The scientists don't really know, do they? It's all theory. Besides, they say it ages us, but aren't we supposed to age? Yes, I believe that IS the plan. We are born, we age, we die. So great sun god, bring on your UV rays. Oh wait, I'm actually not outside enjoying the sun, I'm inside sneezing, and blowing my nose and rubbing my itchy eyes. The sun brings out flowers, flowers give off beautiful smells, those smells are caused by pollen. I am allergic to pollen. How unfair that I am not allowed to enjoy a beautiful spring day without suffering for it. Hmm? Suffering for the sake of pleasure. Who was that dude who just walked through the building? Focus!
So I spent the day with T out in the sticks, and it was COLD! Very cold indeed. We obviously had to help each other out by heating things up. I think I had the experience of a born again virgin, because there was similar pain to the first time. That dude just walked by again. --Anyway, so that was that and after my 5th and his 2nd orgasm (ha-ha, I got more.) we realized that condom that he demanded to use had disappeared. That could be considered the "Magic Hat Trick" but I did not appreciate it, as it was no where to be found, which could only mean one thing, there was only one place left it could have disappeared to. Yes, indeed, it had invaded my insides! Explains the pain, but defeated the purpose of using it at all. (Since I didn't want to use one, I say again Ha-ha!) So I went to the bathroom and had to find it and remove it, and proceeded to bleed a while and cramp for a couple of days. But at during that fiasco of realizing how messy and comical sex actually is, I rediscovered my natural ability to disconnect from it, in a healthy way, rather than an obsessive way. After K, I had a hard time because for me, sex was something two people did to express their love for each other...before K, it was just something I did to prove I could. Finally, after so many years of struggling with it, and after a year of being single, I finally can do it and not over analyze it! It's amazing. I feel like I've finally blossomed into a functional woman, I got my snuggle time, I got my T time, I got my orgasm time, I got my OR time and as I drove home, listening to Tori Amos, the epitome of womanhood, I felt powerful and put together. Not in a destructive way, where I wanted to be in control of T, or in a helpless way where I submitted myself to him, (as I did the last time I was there) but rather, I felt powerful over myself, and my own sexuality. It's a glorious feeling to finally have figured it out. The cramping and bleeding and surgery was totally worth it. And thanks to T for sticking with me, helping me to realize that this IS in fact possible. We can still be us, close friends and lovers without making it into something stressful and unhappy. It's truly wonderful and I'm in a good place now. I think life can move forward now without so many fucking questions. Halle-fucking-luhah.