Why is Love Such a Great Tease?

If anyone has been reading my blog, you will notice that I've gone from wanting and needing love, to being conflicted with what our society considers traditional love. For one moment I'm craving that passion that comes with new love, but at the same time have a great disdain for the obligation that comes with traditional love. I would like to find love again, but do not want the obligation to call everyday or make time for someone...I don't have the desire for monogamy, I'm not necessarily in need of multiple partners, but passion only survives for a short period of time, and I don't think I should have to sacrifice the best part of love just to be bombarded by tedium of obligation and monogamy. Why does love tease us with passion and butterflies and heat, and then dull after a little while and eventually end up being boring? I don't want boring, I don't want dull, I want hot, pure passion, all the time with the entire relationship. I've heard of people being really great lovers and then they get married and the fire goes out, but can it be possible that nature causes the same game? I want someone to play with, to converse with, to stimulate me mentally and physically, and I want that stimulation to last. Am I asking for too much? Do I have to either accept the inevitable monotony that relationships turn into, or do I have to jump from person to person to keep the passion alive? What are my options exactly? Is comfort important enough to me to sacrifice passion? Does anyone really know? What happens if I cannot accept having to sacrifice passion for comfort? Do I end up a solitary creature? A "lone wolf" as it were? I feel like an outsider from my fellow females, because I do not want marriage and kids, or monogamy and a dull life. Virginia Woolf killed herself, partly from madness, but I believe, partly from boredom...so what now?

The Ever Restless Intellectual Woman

I watched a really powerful movie last night called The Hours. Meryl Streep, Julianne Moore and Nicole Kidman. Nicole Kidman played Virginia Woolf and had a fake nose on and didn't look anything like herself. I attached a picture of her. It was a brilliant and sad movie, but I am amped and inspired by Virginia Woolf at the same time. Shirley is going to give me a copy of one of her books to read.

It's amazing that no matter what time period, as we are learning about the lives of women over the centuries, women are always restless and repressed, and thus unhappy, and all to do with our expected roles in life. It makes me feel like all these years of feeling similar, being sure I didn't want to be the wife and mother everyone expected of me, but being unsure of what I actually did want to do with my life because I always seemed ,eventually, to get bored and restless, I feel a little calmer knowing that women like me have been feeling the same way forever.

Unfortunately, those of us who are not looking to be wives or mothers seem to be stifled by those specific expectations by our mothers and the men in our lives, whether it is our fathers, brothers, uncles, cousins or boyfriends. I am not the marrying kind, no desire what-so-ever to sign my life away to someone else. Nor am I willing to sacrifice myself for a child. I consider child bearing as a death sentence and I choose to survive, at least for now. I cannot imagine a time when I will be unselfish enough to give that much of myself away. I have more important things to do, and the rest of the world seems to have the whole procreation thing under control.

I choose to be creative, everyone else can sacrifice their mediocre minds for mediocre lives.