The Two Me's

I wonder if my brain is like every other brain out there? I feel like I have two people inside my head and they are in a constant state of disagreement. I need to brush my teeth...OK that's better. Some people are lucky in love, they are natural at it, even if the person they love doesn't love them back, they are always still in love. I think I used to be like that, I always was falling in love. Now, after a year and a half of being single again, I just don't feel anything. OK, that once I was crushing pretty hard, but since then, I don't even crush anymore. What if I'm here in this lonely place forever? Or even worse, what if I DO fall in love again? Will the baggage I have accumulated take it's place and sabotage anything that stands a chance? Will I become just like the boy I resented for bringing his baggage into our relationship? And if I escape the inevitable baggage scenario, when will I finally be able to move on and not compare people to him? When can I get rid of him altogether? God I'm so fucking tired of him invading my life, through my own head! I just want to feel something good again, without being afraid that it will blow up in my face and hurt me again! And aside from that, the relationship was a HORRIBLE relationship, so why am I mourning it? AM I mourning it? Or am I just really bitter from it? It was a good, no a great thing that I got out of it, and such a huge waste of my time, of my life, is that what makes me so angry? Or am I actually upset that our plans didn't work out, because it would have been so, incredibly horrible if I had moved with him. What the hell is my problem, anyway? Do you see what I'm saying about the two people arguing inside my head? One is pissed off that it didn't work out and the other is thanking god that it didn't. One wants to love again and one is scared to death to love again. One wishes my old crush all the happiness with his wife and the other desparately wants him to get divorced so I can have him. This goes for most aspects of life. Always in disagreement. Always.