Spinster No More

It's true. I've attempted to convince everyone around me that I am not interested in love, for a long time, but when it was right in front of me, I was stubborn and defiant. I came very close to losing it, along with my best friend in the world. While I was trying to sleep, I felt this massive sense of loss and dread. I tossed and turned and thought about what I was giving up. Why was I giving it up? After all, I wanted this once...at the time, he did not, but I knew that I still wanted it, but wasn't sure if I wanted it now...but then, why not now? What was stopping me? Fear. Battle wounds from the last relationship...but T was nothing like the ex...and he knows me better than anyone. I think I can trust him. So I hopped out of bed and poured my heart out into an email, (because I am better at expressing myself in writing) and waited for a response. A couple of hours later, the response came. He was leaving. He didn't want to be around me. He "unfriended" me on FB. I had to let him go. My world went completely dark and gloomy as I realized what I just lost. I looked around as if my whole life had been a dream and now is when it turns into a nightmare, everything I thought I had is gone. I wished for death. I didn't want to keep going without him. It was the most intense pain I had ever experienced. I cried for a while and then decided to make one last attempt to keep him. "I don't want you to go! I love you. I want you to stay. Please stay!" SEND.

I cried myself to sleep after taking a handful of sedatives, I felt like taking more, I didn't want to wake up.

Eventually I did wake up, it was late afternoon and the world still felt so empty. I opened my email, just to see, though I was sure that there would be nothing from him. I had driven him away. INBOX. There he is...deep breath...open.

My final attempt to keep him...worked! He didn't expect me to go in after him, but I refused to let him go. It worked! I get to keep him. I get to love him. The world lit up. The blood started to pump again. Everything I thought I lost was there! With him.

He is my true love. My soul mate. He always has been, and now we were together and nothing could bring me down from my high. Nothing has brought me down. I feel good. I feel complete. I feel like I came SO CLOSE to losing the one person I cared about the most.

So, Spinster? No more. I am taking the wheel now. So long readers. A