To Age or Not to Age?

As anyone who actually reads my blog, I work with senior citizens and often, they advise me to "never get old". As I settle into my thirties, I am starting to notice the subtle changes that come with time; eye baggage, skin that actually looks better with special anti-aging creams. I find myself staring at my face in the mirror, doing the all-too-cliché pulling up and pulling back of my facial and neck skin, wondering where the my youth went? Does it actually disappear, or get passed on to the next generation? Does the stress of each day actually kill it? They say that energy never actually dies, and that when our bodies die, the energy continues to move around. Is that the same of beauty and youth? What exactly happens to our collagen and pigment? Science would have us believe that we are nothing but a combination of water and energy and some other combination of cells and such, so why is it that with age, we lose these things that make us appealing to other people, as well as to our own vanity? Some theologians would tell us that we lose our beauty and energy because Eve took a bite out of the forbidden apple and getting old is our punishment. Other theologians would have us thank god for such a long life and consider death as the ultimate payment for the original sin. I personally, do not believe in Genesis, as it holds no logic. I mean, if God didn't want Eve to eat the forbidden fruit, then why make it a big, juicy apple? Why not make it the forbidden Okra? But I digress. It isn't a question of WHY we age and die, but why it is necessary to guarantee such a long, drawn out life? I keep hearing my residents telling me how awful it is getting old, the aching, the drooping, the sagging, the loss of the control over your body AND mind. Who wants that? Maintenance...that's all it is. Already, at the age of 31, I've been maintaining my skin, my hair, my weight (trying at least) and my energy level. It's downhill from here. The skin sags, the hair thins, the weight STAYS, and the energy somehow escapes. I smoke my cigarettes to keep from being mean or getting too hungry. People tell me to quit smoking because it will decrease my lifespan, and I don't see the reasons to want to live to be 90...or even 100! Your bones get weak and brittle, your brain gets dull and your memory fades, and then what exactly are you living for? Awaiting the inevitable hip brake? Looking forward to forgetting your closest friends? And for people like me, Spinsters who do not plan on marrying or having offspring, then what? Live to be 100 years old, alone and forgotten?

Don't get me wrong, readers. I do not wish to die now, I'm only saying that I'm not afraid of death the way that other's are afraid of death. I don't want to die by a serial killer or of cancer, simply because I want a better story for my obituary. I hope to meet my demise in Africa, doing something I'm passionate about, rather than rotting away with old age. Oh don't worry, I will still try to maintain what youth I have left, I will pay for the anti-aging cream and diet pills and shiny shampoo...for a while longer. But my legacy will not be to try to defy the nature of aging, but it will also not be to defy death. Somewhere in the middle is where I belong. I will, however, mourn my loss of youth, at least every now and again...until this body rots and my energy moves on.