Did You Ever Wonder How You Will Die?

Will you get into a fatal car crash? Be bitten by a snake? Will you open your door to a dangerous stranger? No alarms and no surprises.
Depression has set in and made itself at home. There is a bottle of Lorazapam in the bathroom that would do the job, if I so chose. But suicide is not an option for a martyr, oh no! I have a destiny. I have to suffer so others can live without suffering. I had a strange experience today. I am not christian. I have never been baptized. But while chatting with T, talking about how I suspected that I was, indeed, a martyr, somehow, "\my father" typed itself. I don't know why or how.
But I took it as a sign. how could I not? "it's gonna be, a glorious day, I feel my luck could change"
sometimes I wish for cancer or an aneurysm. And what if I choose otherwise???