For Spike

You just gave me that look, the one that you always give me whenever I'm crying..."Whatsa matter mommy? Wanna snuggle?" I wonder if you know that I'm crying over you? If you do, it doesn't seem to matter, you still came and snuggled in behind me in the computer chair, just like always. You have done this with every boy I've cried over, every mistake I've made, every friend I've lost, you have always been there to make me feel better, and you always do! And now, things are changing for both of us, you are going to go on and be free of pain and sickness, and I'm going to be here, missing you. You are a special little man, I'll tell you that. I've been though this before with Alex, and I loved Alex, but it didn't hurt this much. When Baby died suddenly, I thought I would die too, but you were there to make the pain a little easier to swallow, and now I know Missy, Elijah, Lucy and Suzy will be here to help ease the pain, but I'm not sure how they get it. Niko, keeps giving me a look of sympathy, but I don't know if he knows. He isn't mine. He just lives outside. I know that life will go on, as it always does, however, I don't think it will ever be the same. I'm so happy J wanted to stop at that pet store, and so thankful that you were there! That you chose me! And that you stuck with me through all the bullshit, all the moves, all the friends, all the boyfriends, through everything. You made every day a little bit better, and I hope you had a good life as well. I tried my best, I really did. I know other people enjoyed your company as well. You are so special and mommy loves you so much! I will never forget you or stop loving you or missing you. My little prince! Rest now. Mommy will be OK.