When Nothing Helps

Mourning is something that is natural for several instances in life. The loss of a friend or family member, either by death or just a final fight. The loss of what you hoped was your "forever" person. The loss of a pet (for me, that's the worst of them). These things require certain feelings. Nobody can make you NOT feel those feelings. And yet, we plead to NOT feel these extreme emotions. Anything! Alcohol, drugs, sex, sitting in a dark room, going out and pretending nothing is wrong. We fight grief so much, but are we making it worse in the end? I've been through a lot in life. I've lost friends to death, friends who were much too young. I've lost family members who were too young, and some too old. I've lost the person who I believed was my "forever" person. I've lost pets, too soon and as planned. No amount of condolences can make it any better, or make sense of it all. Hugs seem to make it worse...and yet people are so quick to hug you when you are grieving. (I am guilty of that at work.) No amount of alcohol makes it go away, often it makes you feel it even more. Whenever I lose a pet, I go straight to the liquor store...I get a bottle of coconut rum and Barq's root beer and drink and cry. When I realized that my "forever" person had been lying to me for years and would never come through on any promises or plans, and I fell out of love, I didn't cry. But I was pissed! That wasn't the plan. Later, of course, I realized that it was the best thing that could have happened, and I just wish I would have figured this out sooner. Nevertheless, nothing helped. It didn't help when my friends told me how horrible he was, and that they never liked him. That made it a lot worse. How could I have gone so long and been so blind??? Made me feel stupid and duped. And yet, that is what I heard over and over. "I never liked him." or "He wasn't good enough for you!" Well, what does that say about me? Eventually, we move on. Scarred and battered from all those hard, sharp emotions, I made it. Bitter and jaded...but with a new focus. I realized that people die. People disappoint. Pets die. And there isn't a damn thing we can do about it, but to feel each emotion, no matter how sharp it is, and how much blood it draws, and then after we have bled and cried as much as we can, the next thing to do is to find something to focus on. A purpose of our own. Not be a part of someone else's purpose. But find YOUR reason for being here. What are YOU going to do with your talents and time?? I have figured mine out. What's yours?

Oh...an important side note: Don't forget about the people you CAN count on. They are few and far between, but we all have a couple. Even when nothing they say makes it better...don't forget to find them when you need them.