Spinster In Distress!

I came to a scary realization tonight...maybe NOT a realization, but a valid fear. I've had sex once in the last year, totally planned out and safe, I've almost had sex several times with different people that I contemplated, but didn't...the reason for that is that I am in a safe place.
Now, however, starting a job where I will actually be making enough money to live alone, comfortably, in the city, (sorry S), with many bars around town, many people, many men, I am already starting to plan out conquests. I know me better than anyone else does and I know that I am opportunistic when it comes to sex. I have been living in a safe place, where pre-marital sex is forbidden, yes really, and therefore there hasn't been any...but living alone in my own place, with my own rules, with so much freedom...well, this spinster will take full advantage of the geography. As I've said MANY times, I am not looking for a relationship, I am not looking to date, I am not at all looking for love...so that leaves me in a confusing place. I know what I should and shouldn't do...I know right from wrong...but that doesn't always stop me from doing something that I might feel bad about later, in fact it RARELY stops me. I'm impulsive, neurotic and demanding. I want what I want, or want who I want, and don't think about it until later. At least, that is how I used to be...Am I still that way? Does freedom to live the way I want mean that I will act on my impulses? Those people who knew me long ago during my bar slut phase, know damn well that I am capable of it...but haven't I grown? Have I changed? Only with time will we have the answer...this little blog of mine is about get interesting.
~Spinster~